Big Yellow Dog: A Poem

Big Yellow Dog

I’ve thought about you

Many times

Over the years.

Saw you.

Soft, plush escape,

Sparkling heavy smells.

Me and You,

Big Yellow Dog,


Getting smaller,


as daddy’s



Pulled me

Away from you.

“We have to go, baby.”

“My teddy dog!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll buy you another one.”

I’ll buy you another one.


of so many

Echoing Promises,


Rattling, snaking,


Caverns in my

Trusting child-brain

Waiting, hoping.

No more Big Yellow Dog.

We have to go.

No more

Two-parent home,

Brady Bunch

Filthy fantasies,



“I have to go, baby.

Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

I’ll always love you.”

Syllables colliding,


Deaf ears,

Bouncing, meaningless


Where’s my Big Yellow Dog?

So big.

Big enough

To tolerate

Co-dependent, unceasing embraces,

From skinny brown arms,

So tiny,

Big brown eyes,


Sad like my Big Yellow Dog’s.

So lonely he must be.

I left him

Just like Daddy left me.

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  • October 9, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    Really do miss you. Everything is so different without. My life has been hard and slow. But for the rest of my life, I will always love you, until Allah takes me out of this Material world (yes I will). I miss you Sakinah. But My love for you will never end. I cherish my memories of being there with you and Najah, that all I have left to hold on to. But I turn to a Divine Power, that I answer to, and I always ask that Allah forgive me my shortcoming and I ask you also to forgive me. I know that Allah will forgive us all for our shortcoming, and I pray that you will also.But if you can’t, then I understand. We are just human, and are limited in our ability to forgive. But I love you anyway, and always will. But I do promise you that my love for you will never end.

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